We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
