i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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