doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
