Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
