went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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