Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
