apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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