well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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