my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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