in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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