Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
