wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
