There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
