Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dick has a subreddit
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
