i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
