Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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