I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
