just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We left the knife in your bed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
