Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
