i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
