he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
