dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
