i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
