Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
