She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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