Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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