Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
