But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
where does the pee come out of this thing
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
