What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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