You're so nebulous sometimes
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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