? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
