I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
