Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im just a social blackout drinker.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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