I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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