Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
kristin has been a bad kristin
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
