He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
