Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
