Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
