My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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