hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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