i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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