Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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