I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
