I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
