Nicole vs. Life
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
