I cannot find my penis.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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