also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
