At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
