i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
