Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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