You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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