The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
