Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
