TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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